Darts – Farts, Zapometers, Cholesterol, Super Glue and Psychic Interference!

Peter 60.00% Ian 54.35% Dave 51.43% Steve 48.57% Mike D 44.93%
CM 43.94% Papa 42.98% Doddy 38.64% Malc 37.14% Colin 34.78%

Greetings Bad Boys and Bad Boy’s blog readers. Tuesday night was full of weird Fortean activity, and not all at the Bad Boys Club! We had a couple of no-shows.

Steve rang to say he would be slightly late because he had a flat (tyre) but was never heard of again. The lads decided that he must have been caught in the Uley triangle where a 10 minute tyre change takes 2 hours; we decided to light candles to guide him home. The Doddmeister didn’t appear for the first time ever, we all hope it was a slip of memory and nothing else.

We were still lucky enough to have a four man attendance: Pedro, Redders, Jelly Arm and Cholesterol Mike (more on this later). We flipped the flipometers and lady luck sorted us out on the first flip. Peter and Dave ‘V’ CM and JA.

This might well be a first in my career as BBDC reporter that I find myself needing to report on two pre-match items...

1. Even though Ian ‘Teddy’ Rushton wasn’t playing (Holidaying in France, bastard) at least two players felt it necessary to get a double eleven before we could call the practice session over. This just goes to show how easily conventions are assimilated.

2. We very nearly had our first ‘owned’ middle for diddle. Pedro started with a wildish dart (please note it was still within the treble ring!), Casablanca (for now) Mike pumped a dart much nearer to the bull. Then Dave ‘Redders’ Redbond pierced the semi bull, but it has to be said that the dart was hanging out of the hole like a flaccid dick. Along came Jelly Arm Davies who we all agreed should try and knock Dave’s dart out so that CM’s would win the contest. JA made a valiant attempt. He rattled Dave’s dart, but fortunately it held fast (presumably by some invisible ghostly gossamer pube-like ectoplasm).

On to the games!

The first was taken in swashbuckling style by Pete and Dave; giving no quarter to either of the Mikes.

The second was much closer but still a victory for the non Mikes. Fortunes were mixed over the next few games, there was one where the two Mikes were ten semis behind but nearly clinched it. One where the Mikes were leading but had victory stolen at the last minute...

Curiously we only managed six games, usually that might indicate that players weren’t really on the ball, however it didn’t feel like that, more like less games because they were hard fought!

After all the shenanigans, the final score line was: PD 1235 / 46 MCM.

Notable (and weird) events:

The Weaver referred to a collateral score as a cholesterol score, this was instantly added to the Bad Boys lexicon as an alternative description of the aforesaid random dart throwing!

CM made his first attempt at psychic Interference, it working well with a result from JA, it is clearly catching on!

There were several double trebles scored, although there was no MOTM all players had some hot spots.

Pete offered JA some special finger jelly to help his grip and JA took it even though the bottle clearly stated it was super glue, man he was easy to knobble... Actually we only joked about that, sadly JA had some of the Ten Pin Bowling grip cream I have and it really suited him, helped for a good while I think, consequently this is now a quid a shot (for JA) for anyone else it is free.

Oh and a very weird one, whenever JA wasn’t doing well he took himself off for a talking to, strangely whenever he came back in to the hut the zapometer would fry a couple of flying things.

The general consensus was that JA doesn’t always take himself out for a talking to but often goes for a private fart (much appreciated by all of us) then insects follow the trail back in to be devoured by the zapometer.. hmmm... worth considering, we will check over the next few weeks.

Bull Wars: CM 3, Dave 3, Pedro 3, JA 1

Chart Changes: None! Sad but True.... However...

Dave goes up one percent; Ian is now less than three percent in front. I understand that Dave is ‘gunning‘for him over the next few weeks, even considering extra fixtures to ‘stick it’ to Rushers!

Cholesterol Mike and JA both drop roughly one percent, this brings them firmly in to Papa Fruin’s sights, you both better watch out, if the radish man has a good week next week you could be heading down a slippery slope!

Game On!

Peter X

Darts – Close But No Cigar!

Peter 59.80% Ian 54.35% Dave 50.51% Steve 48.57% Mike D 46.03%
CM 45.00% Papa 42.98% Doddy 38.64% Malc 37.14% Colin 34.78%

It was a beautiful evening, the sky was clear and blue and a lovely English summer sunset was starting as the Bad Boys arrived.

First up the steps was Rushers looking very relaxed and ready to do battle. Then Bad Boy Papa arrived looking cool as a cucumber, mind you he still managed to complain about the number of steps up to the clubhouse; but then Papa isn’t a fan of steps; be it at the BBDC or Teddy’s SCABS club.

Next we heard the throaty gurgle of Casablanca Mike’s Harley being parked out front, followed by CM appearing complete with leathers and skid lid. Last but not least Mr Morgan bounded up the steps, having briefly stopped in the house on his way up to the clubhouse to help himself to a nice big glass and a good helping of Moreland ice from the fridge, Steve was making himself at home as always (and as always very welcome).

A few practice darts were hurled, Teddy hit double eleven which is usually the signal that practice is pretty much over and then it was time to flip the flipometers. It was at this point that Ian tossed his flipometer on to the floor and made a valiant but rebuffed attempt to claim that the dart coin on the floor should count, he was soon put straight, he flipped again and the teams were chosen (Mental Note: I may have to ask Teddy/Ian/Rushers to practice flipometering when he arrives rather than chasing double elevens).

The upshot of this was that Pete, Ian and Steve were pitched against Papa and CM. So finally on to the games!

PIS (sad but true) stormed away in the first game, Papa and Harley Mike managed to close the gap a little towards the end but it was still a clear win. The second also went to PIS but the difference was definitely closed down.

There were some strange going-ons in the second game, half way through the game Steve asked Ian where he was going on holiday for the next two weeks? Now Ian swears that he said he was spending the first week in a Gite in France; however the rest of the Bad Boys (who were listening) are damn sure that he said he was spending the first week in a sheep in France!

This caused all sorts of problems, Harley Mike guffawed while throwing and nearly missed the board, Steve stood in the club doorway and mimed how to (erm) get the best out of spending a week ’in’ a sheep while the rest of us (apart from Rushers)made ‘Baaaa’ noises.

Eventually we moved on to the third game, Papa and HM were leading by the half way point but then fate showed his/her hand again... Steve’s mobile started its sodding US house phone chime and he scooted out of the clubhouse to take the (admittedly important), (JA note this wasn’t a bloody cricket fixture conversation) call. After a couple of minutes waiting we all decided to play on. This seemed to cause a change in the game flow and despite needing a big catch up PI minus S fought to victory.

Still a man down we down we started the fourth game, PI got off to a great start (in fact we were getting rather smug), then bloody Morgan re-appeared and we lost the game (There are those who might say we lost due to Papa and HM’s superior play and they might well be correct!) In any event the PIS camaraderie is such that Pete and Ian welcomed Morgan le Phone back to our boosom/sheeps udder.

On to the fifth, the glorious fifth! I shall say nothing more than one team got nothing and it was nothing to do with PIS who (cough) had more than nothing. I would like to say more but I am afraid that there are concerns that the reporting might be seen as a whitewash.

Game six was a different story with Mike and Papa forging ahead, leaving PIS too big a gap to close; a well deserved win. The seventh swung back to PIS leaving the evening with the following score line:

PIS 12357 / PHM 46

I have to say that although Papa and HM weren’t on top form I reckon they probably deserved more than the two games they won, but hey, those are the breaks when you play at the Bad Boys Darts Club!

Bull Wars: Ian 4, Pete 1, HM 1, Phone Boy 0.

Notable events:

Papa had a Shang-Hi on 17’s

Teddy finished a game on a semi + bull.

Chart Changes:

Serious stuff this week! Casablanca Mike’s meteoric rise has been halted in one fell swoop; he drops from fourth place to sixth, while Mobile Morgan rises from sixth place to fourth, a straight swap! This of course still leaves Jelly Arm in the middle in fifth place. Pete and Ian both go up about half a percent. If you check out the % table you will see that a couple of well placed games could see most folks moving up or down a place..... Game On!

Peter x

August Dates!

Gentlemen.

If you haven’t provided me with your AUGUST dates yet, they are now urgent. Please let me know as soon as possible!

Cheers

Peter

Darts – ‘Liquorice Malc’, I owe him a fiver!

Peter 59.39% Ian 53.67% Dave 50.51% CM 47.17% Mike D 46.03%
Steve 46.03% Papa 43.93% Doddy 38.64% Malc 37.14% Colin 34.78%

‘Twas a full house at Nelly’s finest private darts and sweetie emporium. Dave was first up the steps, followed a minute or two later by the unholy caravan of Ian, Doddy and Malc. Honda Mike appeared shortly after and was greeted with a ‘flipometer’, valiantly he managed to flip the ‘flipometer’ while juggling his beer and assembling his darts, winning skills in my opinion.

The result of six bad boys tossing was that Pete, Ian and Doddy were pitched against Dave, Malc and H/CM.

Action got underway and it has to be said that PID felt like they were floating on marshmallows after taking the opposition out big time on the first two games. It was all change in the third game when Bertie Bassett’s team (has anyone noticed how much Malc looks like Bertie Bassett?)

http://www.millenniumcollectables.co.uk/bertie-bassett.htm

Anyway back to the third! PID tried hard to win but couldn’t help feeling they were wading through treacle on their way to the finishing line but by the end it was a very close game and we were left with the bitter taste of dark chocolate as Liquorice Malc and his all sorts took the game (Malc, I believe I have now fulfilled the reporting challenge you set me, and yes I still know I owe you a fiver)!

The fourth game was no Picnic; in fact it was a bit of a Marathon (no Snickering at that), however when it came to the final Crunchie LM’s team got it. I am sure that at one point during that game Malc Fudged the score; but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

The next two games fell to PID making a great Double Decker for the team score.

Finally it was on to game seven; both teams were so keen to win you would have thought there was a Bounty on it; however Bertie Bassett’s team managed to Wrigley their way to winning. This left a final score line of PID 1256/ 347 DMHM causing many Celebrations by the winners.

Notable events:

Dave had double treble top and nearly got the third.

HM had three darts at the bull hit two semis and apologised to his team for only getting two!

Somebody (I think it was Dave) got 7 x 17!

There were some fine examples given of the art of ‘Talking darts in’ to trebles and bull’s eyes.

Bullwars: Dave 2 Ian 2 Pete 2 Malc 1

Chart Changes:

None, Pete and Dave take a small downturn as does Honda Mike, his first in seven attendances. Malc, Doddy and Ian take a little upward kick.

All to play for in the mid table.... Game On!

Peter x

Darts – A Marriage Made in Heaven?

Peter 59.47% Ian 53.53% Dave 51.09% CM 47.83% Mike D 46.03%
Steve 46.03% Papa 43.93% Doddy 37.04% Malc 35.71% Colin 34.78%

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of blog to hear this week’s Bad Boys Darts results. Before I report them in holy blogimony, if any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be reported, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace (Bad Boys; Peter and Papa shuffle uncomfortably from foot to foot but manage to say nothing).

The service started at 8.00pm, Peter was already there and greeted the other three grooms, Ian, Papa and Casablanca Mike. Thankfully no rings were exchanged, however four flipometers were exchanged, the result of which was that Papa and Pedro were married for the evening as were Teddy Rushton and Mickey Weaver.

Having all thrown confetti, it was decided that Papa and Pete had done the best job, so they were first to step up to the altar. Their choir sung a glorious song and by the end of the first hymn Papa and Peter were looking ecstatic, the bridesmaids; Ian and MC tried to hide their jealousy and almost succeeded.

Now it was Teddy and Casablanca’s turn to step up to the altar, they appeared to have a marriage made in heaven, despite trailing heavily throughout the second hymn, somehow they managed to find the seven wedding rings they needed to finish in front, remarkable!

Not happy with just one magnificent hymn they insisted on singing another two, and beautifully sung they were, Peter and Papa could only look on like Cinderella’s ugly sisters while contributing background vocals.

Not wishing to be out done, Papa and Pete tightened up their trousers a notch so that they could produce beautiful falsetto voices; they hurled the other grooms out of the way and performed the fifth hymn in a style that would have made the Bee-Gees wince in pain.

Rushers and Mickey counteracted by grabbing Papa’s and Pedro’s belts and tightening them two more notches, while we were writhing on the floor in pain they sung another two hymns perfectly, O the pain!

Fortunately, after rearranging our britches Papa and Pedro managed to squeeze out a passable song to close the evening’s ceremonies.

Now if the congregation have been following this properly they will realise the final hymn score was: PP 158 / 23467 ICM.

It has to be said the competition was intense all night, singing from both sides was very good, but no singer was so superb that they were made chorister of the night. Generally though it has to be said that Rushers and CM sang more tunefully and deserved the 5 – 3 result.

Highest Notes: Peter 6, Ian 3, Papa 2, CM 1.

Notable events:

Mike mentioned several times while going for high notes that ‘He was up against the wire’. I never found out if this meant he was wearing a hidden microphone, having trouble with a brassiere or had switched from whale bones in his corset.

Despite these problems Casablanca managed to be the only singer to go up in the charts, with the voice of an angel he has ascended to fourth place, forcing Mike D and Steve down a place each, towards a marriage made in hell!

How much Holy wine?

Pete spills a glug, Ian sips up half a glass, Papa trickles down half a slurp and MC takes three big glugs!

Next week, more weddings, more funerals, see you in church....

Game On!

Peter x

Darts – Casablanca Mike says he can’t keep it up!

Peter 60.44% Ian 53.09% Dave 51.09% Mike D 46.03% Steve 46.03%
CM 44.74% Papa 44.44% Doddy 37.04% Malc 35.71% Colin 34.78%

Tonight’s fixture was due to be a four man match, one Bad Boy had a technical hitch meaning we were down to three, fortunately Dave was able to stand in at the last minute; this gave us an excellent team pool; Ian, Dave, CM and Peter.

Ian was the only man to get a red on the first flipometer, a second flip teamed him with CM meaning Dave and Pete were the opposition. Fairly balanced teams wouldn’t you think? Well I did until we started playing! Rushers and Casablanca stormed away in the first game and Dave and I just couldn’t keep up.

Dave and I shot each other a glance or two, clearly hoping that we would equalise on the next game, it didn’t happen, Teddy and CM performed just as spankingly as in the first game. Dave and I managed to close the gap but we were still two games down. More glances, more hopes, more fears, more losses; the swine’s took the third as well, three on the trot (the third was close mind you); Dave and I were not amused.

Redders and I had a quick team huddle and decided we would use a bit of Zen and Psychic Interference, it turned out to be a great decision; we took the fourth , fifth and sixth games in quick succession. The change of fortunes prompted CM to announce that it wasn’t possible for him to keep it up all night; still he had managed for an hour which doesn’t seem like bad going for a man of his years.

CM and Mike aroused their winning streak again to take the seventh game, leaving the eighth as fairly crucial in winning % terms. Ten minutes and plenty of Zen and PI later Dave and I grabbed the game to pull the evening to a four all draw. As it was just before ten Dave and I offered the opposition the opportunity of a decider; Sadly CM needed to go, obviously he has been attending the Steve Morgan school of timely exits :-)

Final Score line: IMC 1237 / 4568 PD

Notable Events:

All players had some purple patches (Particularly Teddy and Mike in the first few games) but Like CM none of us could keep it up all night consequently there is no MOTM.

Lots of well targeted trebles, including multiple trebles across multiple numbers (Ian was leading the way on this).

CM had a bull, semi finish.

There were a few double semis played as well.

Bull Wars: Dave 3, CM 2, Ian 1, Peter 1

Chart changes: Ian, Dave and Peter all lose a little but not enough to change chart positions, however Casablanca Mike gained just under 1.5% which was enough to bump him up to 6th place, which means Papa drops to 7th place.

This gives us a fairly crowded midfield with several players close enough to really mix it up over the next few weeks, there is less than 2% between Mike D, Steve, CM and Papa.

So it is.... Game On!

Peter x