Peter 59.47% Ian 53.53% Dave 51.09% CM 47.83% Mike D 46.03%Steve 46.03% Papa 43.93% Doddy 37.04% Malc 35.71% Colin 34.78%
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the sight of blog to hear this week’s Bad Boys Darts results. Before I report them in holy blogimony, if any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be reported, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace (Bad Boys; Peter and Papa shuffle uncomfortably from foot to foot but manage to say nothing).
The service started at 8.00pm, Peter was already there and greeted the other three grooms, Ian, Papa and Casablanca Mike. Thankfully no rings were exchanged, however four flipometers were exchanged, the result of which was that Papa and Pedro were married for the evening as were Teddy Rushton and Mickey Weaver.
Having all thrown confetti, it was decided that Papa and Pete had done the best job, so they were first to step up to the altar. Their choir sung a glorious song and by the end of the first hymn Papa and Peter were looking ecstatic, the bridesmaids; Ian and MC tried to hide their jealousy and almost succeeded.
Now it was Teddy and Casablanca’s turn to step up to the altar, they appeared to have a marriage made in heaven, despite trailing heavily throughout the second hymn, somehow they managed to find the seven wedding rings they needed to finish in front, remarkable!
Not happy with just one magnificent hymn they insisted on singing another two, and beautifully sung they were, Peter and Papa could only look on like Cinderella’s ugly sisters while contributing background vocals.
Not wishing to be out done, Papa and Pete tightened up their trousers a notch so that they could produce beautiful falsetto voices; they hurled the other grooms out of the way and performed the fifth hymn in a style that would have made the Bee-Gees wince in pain.
Rushers and Mickey counteracted by grabbing Papa’s and Pedro’s belts and tightening them two more notches, while we were writhing on the floor in pain they sung another two hymns perfectly, O the pain!
Fortunately, after rearranging our britches Papa and Pedro managed to squeeze out a passable song to close the evening’s ceremonies.
Now if the congregation have been following this properly they will realise the final hymn score was: PP 158 / 23467 ICM.
It has to be said the competition was intense all night, singing from both sides was very good, but no singer was so superb that they were made chorister of the night. Generally though it has to be said that Rushers and CM sang more tunefully and deserved the 5 – 3 result.
Highest Notes: Peter 6, Ian 3, Papa 2, CM 1.
Notable events:
Mike mentioned several times while going for high notes that ‘He was up against the wire’. I never found out if this meant he was wearing a hidden microphone, having trouble with a brassiere or had switched from whale bones in his corset.
Despite these problems Casablanca managed to be the only singer to go up in the charts, with the voice of an angel he has ascended to fourth place, forcing Mike D and Steve down a place each, towards a marriage made in hell!
How much Holy wine?
Pete spills a glug, Ian sips up half a glass, Papa trickles down half a slurp and MC takes three big glugs!
Next week, more weddings, more funerals, see you in church....
Game On!
Peter x
